When I Found Help, Hope and Healing for Depression

Listen to this week’s podcast, CONQUERING DEPRESSION, PART 2, by clicking here!

A MESSAGE FROM MONICA:

I went to the doctor confused and frustrated and honestly at my wit’s end. The fatigue was overwhelming and my bed was the only refuge and haven. My body wasn’t my own – it responded to exercise and diet completely opposite of how it was supposed to. My emotions were erratic; for someone who was a self-proclaimed “Even Steven,” it was beyond maddening.

The doctor nodded and mmm-hmmm’d me and ordered blood work and a physical. When it was all done, she walked in and handed me a prescription.

You’re depressed.

The shock and randomness of her statement sat with me a moment. Then I nodded mutely, grabbed the prescription and left.

Depressed? Me? I had suffered a miscarriage just months before, but I didn’t feel depressed. There was no longer the overabundance of tears or the disappointment that seemed to find ways to reach deeper, as if it were somehow possible.

I was fine. Just fine. Everything was fine.

Wasn’t it?

Greg and I talked a long time about the next step, and agreed to seek counseling before trying the medication. I had no problem whatsoever taking something if needed…but felt it would be a good first step to talk through it with a professional counselor…deal with the root of the issue.

We meet weekly for four months, and it immediately became the highlight of my week. The word therapeutic doesn’t even begin to cover how healing that time was…a balm for a weary, exhausted and desperate soul who didn’t even know she was weary, exhausted or desperate until right that minute.

She helped me identify the signs and symptoms of depression, defined what level I was at, and talked and prayed me through the circumstances. She opened my eyes to see how I had “turned my anger inward” about the miscarriage and referred me to the book, When Your Body Gets the Blues, which was a life boat.

And then, at the end of our four months together, the counselor told me we had reached my goal and kicked me out of her office.

She saved me.

– –

After Paxton was born, I almost immediately fell into The Downward Spiral of Despair. The sadness and suffering felt like a black hole that had no bottom, no flooring. It showed up in waves and I’d sputter up for air, gasping for calm. Or if I couldn’t have calm, at least an absence of pain.

I tried praying my way through. I tried reading my way through. I tried churching my way through, but my mind wouldn’t quiet down enough for me to worship. Sleeplessness due to having an infant exacerbated it to a degree that scared me…and I think it scared Greg, too.

One day, after crying for eight hours straight, I called my doctor, and through waterfalls of tears and breathless sobs said,

I think…I have…postpartum…depression.

He immediately asked for the number to my pharmacy and told me to drive straight there and do nothing else until you get to the pharmacy.

I picked up the prescription at the one grocery store in town that everyone went to and whispered my name to the pharmacist as if talking at full volume would make the prescription vanish and all heads whip in my direction.

I’m not sure why I was embarrassed then. I certainly wouldn’t be now.

Within a matter of mere days, Iwas back…Monica was back. The Monica that existed before the chaos of pregnancy, a jacked-up labor and delivery, a move to another state and sleep-deprived infancy was back and her load was much, much lighter…and yes, there was even laughter.

– –

The first time I was diagnosed with depression, the counselor healed me.

The second time I was diagnosed with depression, the medication healed me.

BOTH TIMES, GOD HEALED ME.

– –

I believe in God’s healing power; I believe that by His stripes we are healed. I have personally seen it over and over and over again in my life.

• Sometimes that healing has come through being anointed with oil.
• Sometimes it has come through someone placing a hand on me.
• Sometimes it has come through prayer and prayer and more prayer, and sometimes it has come through worship.
• And sometimes it has come through counseling and medication.

I AM JUST AS HEALED THROUGH COUNSELING AND MEDICATION AS I AM THROUGH PRAYER AND ANOINTING.

Of this I am certain.

– –

The poignancy of the timing of our podcasts on depression is not lost on us.

During a time when media is shining heavily on the demons that mental illness can leave, we pray that these two weeks with Tracy have provided a light in the darkness and help to your hopelessness.

There is no shame, guilt or judgment toward those battling depression of any type or level.

If you can’t pray your way through it, then worship.

If you can’t worship your way through it, then get counseling.

If you can’t counsel your way through it, then seek additional help.

Healing waits for you. There is help…and hope.

“God has sent [Jesus] to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes, to anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap them in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.” (Isaiah 61:3)