DEVOTION: June 7

I’ve had this dream for a long time—I can’t shake it, it won’t die. It comes and goes; sometimes it’s big and bright and seems possible, other times it’s small and dim and seems absolutely asinine.

There are seasons I pursue it; I work and I chase and I try to find open doors. And there are other seasons I simply let it go and turn it back over to Jesus yet again. It’s the one single thing that makes me question not just my sanity, but God, too—if it’s not going to happen, why can’t it just die already? When will I not want it anymore?

Those times I lay it down, I physically wipe my hands clean and move on. I become content with what God has for me now, I focus on the present and not this dream that always lurks under the surface. But then unexpectedly, I’ll see someone on Instagram who’s just been blessed with the fulfillment of that dream I hold deep. And the tears leak without even realizing; that tension stirs up in my heart once again.

I thought this was dead. Will I ever not want this?

The fruit of patience is one of the hardest to grow. Not just hard because it takes so much emotional effort, but hard also because it’s taxing on our mind and soul. The Greek work for patience means longsuffering, perseverance. For instance, this fruit isn’t just about learning how to be patient with drivers instead of giving in to road rage (although, that’s important). It’s also about learning how to endure in hardship. How to continue pressing on and moving forward, even when things don’t seem fair. Even when you feel forgotten. Even when your dream feels dead.

I have to focus on the truth that even if my dream never comes to pass (a lot of times they just don’t), I can be confident in knowing I’m growing the fruit of patience. That I’m continuing to trust God and that He knows what He is doing, even if my heart hasn’t caught up to my head about it yet. And that through this, I’m learning more and more about what it means to endure and persevere.

“But if we must keep trusting God for something that hasn’t happened yet, it teaches us to wait patiently and confidently.” (Romans 8:25, The Living Bible)