DEVOTION: Week of May 10

There are things I don’t like to remember. They sneak upon me long past the expiration date I’ve given them; regrets and tragedies, mistakes and disappointments. Some of my own doing, others not. I don’t like to remember them; I don’t like when they appear like an intruder in a dark alley–quiet, sudden, terrifying.

I’ve tried to stuff them in a box, tucked away in an unreachable shelf in my mind. They feelings they conjure up are not just intrusive, they’re inconvenient. I want to focus on my present and my future, not my past, and so back in the box they go. I make another trip to store them away and come back wiping my hands clean.

The thing is, though… is every single one of those regrets, tragedies, mistakes and disappointments shaped me. They molded me, watered me, formed me and informed me. I am who I am today because of them.

I’m more empathetic and compassionate because of the loved ones I’ve lost and the miscarriages I’ve suffered. I’m more prayerful and hopeful because of having seasons when I literally had no other choice but choose to believe God when there was literally nothing left.

I’m more discerning and cautious because of the times I chose to ignore warning signs and opened the door to a whole lot of sin and chaos in my life. I’m more trusting of God’s timing because of the times I tried forcing things to happen that resulted in overwhelming disappointment, sadness, shame.

And I’m gentler and kinder and give myself grace because of the times ugly words were spoken to me and over me, knowing those wounds need a little time and a lot of Jesus to heal.

I’ve come to realize pretending these things don’t exist is a futile exercise. Taking the time to box them up and hide them away takes more of an emotional toll than simply acknowledging they exist and learning from them. I’m not talking about living in the past, or reliving events for the sake of it… but about properly healing from them. About finding God’s hand in the midst of them and asking Him to show me how it’s made me more like Him in the process.

We are who we are because of how God formed us inside the womb, but also how He continues to form us outside of it. He turns all that’s meant for evil for good–that includes the awful things done to us, but especially the things of our own doing.

Just ask Paul. He was the first to admit his terrible past, he never pretended it wasn’t there. He never had them sneak up on him like an intruder because he kept them in broad daylight, giving God permission to continue to use them to shape his life.

When he said, “But this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind,” the Greek word means no longer care for. He could talk about them openly because he didn’t care for it anymore. He didn’t wrap it up in a box to hide on a shelf. The emotional hold was gone.

Rahab had a complicated and unclean past, but didn’t let it stop her from asking for favor for her and her household when the spies came to hide in Jericho. The Samaritan woman practically bragged about how Jesus knew every detail of her past.

This week, let’s embrace the hard things we’ve survived and allow God to shine light in those places we hide from ourselves. He wants to bring healing and growth from them. Beyond what you can even imagine.

Lord, I ask you to help me process the difficult things in my past so I can use them as a catalyst to exponential growth and to draw others to you. Show me the hard things in my life that I try to keep hidden from myself, and help me to fully face them head on. Give me strength to overcome, not just survive. Amen.

—Monica

QUESTIONS FOR THIS WEEK:

MONDAY

What’s the one hard thing you keep hidden away, not just from the world, but from yourself, too? What situation or circumstance, people or peoples, do you box up to hide on a shelf in your mind? Pull it down today and hold it loosely in your hands while praying to God. Ask Him to show you how that shaped you into who you are today–even if some of it isn’t who you want to be. Ask Him for strength to grow through it, and to reach a point like Paul, you can let go of caring for it so the emotional hold can be loosed.

“‘My grace is always more than enough for you and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.’ So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9, The Passion Translation)

TUESDAY

Sometimes we need an ally to help us walk through the full healing of the depths of our past. I know personally the value counseling has had in my own life and the lives of those I love. Someone who can ask the right questions, help us see what we can’t see, and point us back to Jesus. Don’t immediately say no to the consideration of counseling to help heal your deepest wounds. Pray and ask God to show you if now is the time to uproot and skim off that pain for good, so you can walk free and abundant the rest of your days.

“Daughter, because you dared to believe, your faith has healed you. Go with peace in your heart, and be free from your suffering!” (Mark 5:34, The Passion Translation)

WEDNESDAY

Spend some time today gently revisiting the harder times in your life, acknowledging the ways they formed who you are today…good and bad. Find the ways you reflect more of the image of Christ now than before; identify the places you need His transforming touch. Celebrate how far He’s brought you, and thank Him for continuing to move you forward.

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen. And he called its name Ebenezer saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.'” (1 Samuel 7:12, Modern English Version)

THURSDAY

Spend some time in the Bible today and find other examples of people who were able to shake free of their shame and guilt of their past and live in a way that they no longer cared about it and were able to live without the emotional hold of it. Find a verse or two that speaks to your situation and memorize it, letting the truth of it permeate deep into your soul.

“No matter how many times you trip them up, God-loyal people don’t stay down long; soon they’re up on their feet, while the wicked end up flat on their faces.” (Proverbs 24:16, The Message)

FRIDAY

Your present trials will one day be your past, too. How can you change your perspective and thinking so you can learn from what’s happening today, to better shape you tomorrow? Let’s be determined to grow now so we can look back at this moment with grace and thankfulness that God was at work right in the midst of it, and we didn’t miss it.

“My Father has been working until now [He has never ceased working], and I too am working.” (John 5:17, Amplified)

WANT TO HEAR MORE?

Go back and listen to one of our earlier podcasts on the Be When & Where You Are, from the series Be Who You Are.